OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
