Umm I'm too high to move.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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