It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
