Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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