So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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