Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
