My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
