maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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