At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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