so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dear god my vagina.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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