how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
