barbara walters just said penis...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
