Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
