Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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