Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
