What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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