So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
