oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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