just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
