my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
