I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
