I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
