So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
