That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My feet surprised me
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