Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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