Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
