Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
