I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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