is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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