I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
