I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
