ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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