shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
