I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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