were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
