Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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