Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think a kid would responsible me up
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
