history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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