She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
