The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
