My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
