how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
