There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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