pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
