porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
