i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
