It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
