Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
