how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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