Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
