At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
