smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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